Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My vagina is officially offended.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
