Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
