youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
