You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
