I'm so fucking centered right now
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
