Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
