If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
