No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
