You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
