guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
