I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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