i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
NoShamevember. You game?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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