you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
