Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
