Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
