Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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