i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
