I wanna passion pit in your ass
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
