I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Found the puke drawer
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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