She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
