someone threw a dead crab at me
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
