He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
