I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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