We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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