She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
