One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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