I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
