You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
