I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
