I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
