the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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