There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
