I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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