She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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