I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
