What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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