She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Everyone says I win the strip club
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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