Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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