im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
