So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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