My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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