i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
