grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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