So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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