i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
