So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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