i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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