Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
