its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I need a beard to bite.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
