I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
