She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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